Would you like to change your relationship with someone for the better? If you do, then make sure you don’t have judgments toward them.
Over the last year, one of the biggest breakthroughs Jenny and I experienced in our relationship, came as we dealt with judgments we had toward one another. Several of these judgments had been there for years and we did not even realize it. God did an amazing work in Jenny and I by helping us discover many “lies” or “judgements” we believed about each other.
Throughout the course of our ministry, our message “Exposing the Lies of The Enemy”, transformed our lives and has helped thousands of people find freedom in their lives. When we believe a lie about ourselves it affects who we become and what we do. On the other hand, when we believe a lie about someone else, it is a judgment. We process their words and actions through the “filter” of our judgments of them. This leads to often incorrectly filtering their intentions towards us.
Jesus cautions us in Matthew 7:1-2, “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.”
One judgement I had toward Jenny started on our honeymoon. I judged her as being financially irresponsible. We were going snow skiing and in order to save money, Jenny was going to prepare a few meals. As we shopped for groceries, we had a squabble over buying a bottle of ketchup. She placed it in the grocery cart and told me she wanted it with the pot roast she was going to cook. Well, I don’t eat pot roast with ketchup on it. So to help her understand how you serve pot roast, I began to tell her, “My mom makes it like…”. Well, you know where that went.
What I did not realize was that I judged her as financially irresponsible because she bought something I did not see the need for. So how did this begin to affect me in our marriage? When I received a bonus at work or a special gift from someone, I would choose not to tell her about it. I would not lie to her about it if she asked me, but I figured if she didn’t ask, I wouldn’t tell.
I have always paid the bills and managed the money in our marriage. But deep down, something inside of me made me not want to let her know about our financial situations. If she knew we had extra money, she would spend it because she is financially irresponsible (my judgement).
Obviously, there have been more judgments we have had toward one another over the years. If you want to hear our message on judgments, just click here.
I had a man tell me that in Spanish the word judgment has the connotation of a “final condemnation”. It is equivalent to a sentence being handed down and has the feeling of finality with it. Satan always speaks with inevitabilities. He tells us, “They will always…” or “They will never…”. We need to remember who is always behind the judgments in the first place.
How do you see others in your life? Let’s heed to the caution of Christ and release them from our prison of our judgments. So how can we do this?
First, allow God to open your eyes to see if you have placed judgments on others. Acknowledge that it’s true and ask God for his forgiveness. Ask Him whether you should say anything to the other person or not.
Second, let’s begin to believe that others intentions toward us are good. Scripture tells us that love believes all things. We do not love others when we see them as our enemy. Believe the best about them. Tell yourself that maybe they really are doing the best they can based on what they’ve experienced in their lives.
Lastly, let’s be givers and not takers. When life is all about me, it is easy to be hurt or disappointed by others. When my life is about giving to others, it allows me to process my disappointments correctly. Jesus again teaches us that we should, “Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.” Luke 6:35
To view the message “Releasing Judgments” click here
Have you placed judgments on those around you because of past hurts or unmet expectations? Take time to prayerfully consider these three steps to freedom. Let me know what you think.