The Hinrichsen’s ~ a couple from Illinois
Mark – After listening to Paul and Jenny Speed speak at the RCA Dome in downtown Indianapolis, I went with my wife Sue out to the car to eat lunch. It was then that I told her I had some things that we need to talk about. When we got into the vehicle, what I thought I would be able to do, I could not. It was extremely hard for me to start talking. Sue turned to me and asked, “What did you want to talk about?”
Sue – About two weeks before the conference, God had made it clear to me that my husband was involved in something like adultery. I thought those were interesting words “something like adultery.” I was like, “Okay God. What do I do with this information?” I felt His response to me was for me to wait until the conference. I didn’t feel there was anything I could do but pray, because I did not know what was ahead. I knew something was going to happen, so when Mark told me that he wanted to talk, I wondered if this was when I would discover what it was. So when he got in the car he began to eat instead of talk. I looked at him and said, “Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?” And finally, he started talking. At he began to talk, I thought the sandwich would be better. God had prepared me, even though I did not know what to expect. Although in retrospect, you are never prepared.
Mark – After many years of hiding porn, masturbation, immorality and everything that goes along with it, I had learned to be a pretty good liar. When you start covering up your failures, you have to develop lies or be exposed. I lied to her over and over throughout the years of our marriage. Sue knew in her spirit that something was not right. She also knew there was a definite disconnect between us. Hearing Paul talk about his coming clean, confession and restoration of his marriage left us with “How do we do this?” Back in the early days there was not a lot of material and a roadmap like the Speeds have developed today through WIT Ministries Dev.
Sue – It was a lot of years for us, several decades to be honest. Things got progressively worse in our marriage, yet there didn’t seem to be a reason why. I knew something was wrong yet he always said that there was nothing wrong. It affected me greatly and I became very emotionally, mentally, and physically stressed. I had a lot of physical problems and could not seem to find out what was wrong with me. I felt like I was going crazy for several years. One of the things that happened early in our marriage was a nightmare that I would have over and over. It was always a dream of my husband killing me. As soon as the knife would just about touch me, I would scream and he would wake me up. He would tell me I was having a nightmare and everything was okay. I always found it puzzling why it was always about him doing this to me. But we learned to just move on with our lives. However, I became very bitter toward my husband. I did not want to be bitter toward him but I did grow more and more bitter. I also developed a hatred of him as my husband. I am a person that likes to know why and I could not figure out why I hated him. Sooner or later I passed the hatred stage and I just wrote him off. I was done with him emotionally, spiritually and physically. Ironically, when he began to come clean with me things began to change immediately. The first thing to go away completely was the nightmares. The health issues took time, but I can begin to see improvement right away. I’ve come a long way with my health since that day. I never would’ve guessed that this issue with him would’ve been related to so many things in my life.
Mark – One of the side effects of a man involving himself in an addictive behavior like porn is that what it does to your brain. I had no clue this was going on inside of me. I would come home from work and sit down for supper and while eating, I would be totally disengaged. I would zone out and just stare out the window. I was not really part of the family at all. I didn’t know this was going on at the time, but my family would tell me. While doing this I disconnected from my kids through my own selfish world. I would not play baseball or sports or anything with my kids. I was pretty involved with my oldest son, but as time went on, I spent no time with my younger ones. Sue had to raise them all by herself. It did not take long after coming clean to begin to see what my stinky addictions had not only been to me and my wife, but also to my children. One day our son oldest son moved back into our house. We were moving some things from the bedroom and we came across some syringes in his room. It was then that we found out that our son was a full-blown heroin addict. He was spending hundred dollars a day to pay for his habit. He told us if he did not spend that much each day, he would have flu type symptoms and diarrhea, so he had to keep that much in his system. That’s when I began to see the consequences of my sin. Did he make the choice to do what he did? Yes he did. But my actions caused him to not talk to his dad and ask for help. I now realized this was because of my total disengagement and unapproachable spirit. We had no relationship because I was absent as a father in the time when he needed me most. My other son was 16 when he took a friendship with a young girl in the community. That relationship ended up creating a baby out of wedlock. And you guys think that your sin will not affect your children and your family, I want to dispel that notion right now. The consequences of your sin like King David are always horizontal. It’s not just between you and God, and you can go to God and everything’s fine. Because of my son’s relationship I now have a granddaughter is probably 4 to 5 years old and I’ve only been able to hold her one time and that was at birth. I can’t begin to tell you how difficult that is to know you have a grandchild that you cannot interact with or be with because of your sin. When you allow this stuff in your life, you allow the enemy in the front door and plunder your family while you spiral away in your own selfish addictive behaviors. We just zone out or check out, and the enemy takes over and brings destruction.
Sue – Throughout my son’s life, Mark was not there. There were many promises made yet never followed through. So my son grew to hate his father and would tell him so often by yelling it at him. He had no respect for his father either. Although there were a lot of consequences from Mark’s sin and our bad relationships, God has done an amazing thing in our family. We are all very close now. My son and Mark have become very close friends. Our son who was hooked on heroin is now free and God continues to restore so much that we gave to the enemy.
Mark – When you deal with your sin, you don’t deal with it alone. God comes in with His grace and helps you to restore and reconcile not only your marriage relationship, but your relationship with your family.